I have so much to say but it seems like I can never find the right words for it. This is why I keep writing. Usually my head is full with thoughts and I am going insane but when I sit down the words seem to come out and turn the white paper in a black or blue one. For me there is nothing more satisfying that a completely full written page. Somehow it makes me feel happy and pleased with myself but whenever I go back and read what I have written I hate it. I feel like it is not good enough. I feel like there are many better ways to bring the message across. As soon as I stop writing all the thoughts and words come back in my head and everything begins again. There are times where I just feel like running where I whish I would feel pain that keeps me from thinking. Sometimes I want to escape from my thoughts and I can only do that when I write. This is the reason why I am writing this post. For me the best time to write is when it is dark because in the darkness there is nothing that can distract me from my inner fight with my thoughts. I tried to tell this some people but they either didn’t listen to me or just don’t understand it and make fun of me. I talk a lot but I never talk about the important things that really go on with me. I am always torn between my happy life and me being stupid and going insane over my thoughts. I always try to keep up the image of being happy when I am around others because they simply wouldn’t understand and honestly I have no right to hate my life because I have everything I need and even more. I love my life and hate it at the same time. Why? My emotions a weird and I will probably never understand them. One thing that scares me is that all the poems and lyrics are right somehow deal with depression, feeling worthless or feeling pain. Somehow I can’t write about other topics. My mind is a mess.