Just leave me alone

For some reason I find myself in a spot where I hate everyone in school and where I want to be left alone more and more. I don’t know why this is happening because my classmates now are way more nice that my old once. But somehow I feel like I just don’t belong with them. I don’t care about their stupid little problems, I am annoyed of them because they can’t even do anything alone and I just feel like I life in a complete different world like them. All they care about is the way they look and who is boyfriend and girlfriend. Sure I am one year older than most of them but that is not that big of a difference. Sometimes I blame  it on my exchange year. It made me much more independent then all of them are and showed me what is really important. I wish they would just leave me alone when I sit there on my own and think.

Last Friday I was reading and some boys thought it would be funny to take away my book, my journal and my pencil case. They made fun of it because I am reading a old book with poems and short stories and because they don’t understand why I write. I was annoyed by them and tried to get my stuff back and then one of them said I shouldn’t be so depressive and that I should take antidepressant. I almost freaked out. They have no clue what depression really is and how my dad is suffering from it. They don’t have a dad who tells them he thinks he is not going survive the day when he wakes up or who tells them he doesn’t want to keep fighting anymore. They don’t have to hold their dad and tell him that it will get better as long as he doesn’t give up. They didn’t have a mom who was sleeping all day and freaking out about almost everything because she was suffering from depression when they were in fifth grade.

Maybe I just want to be alone in school because when I am home I all I do is worry about my dad. Seeing him suffer hurts me so much and it shows me how lucky I am to have him in my life everyday but it also reminds me that I will loose my parents one day and there is nothing I am more afraid of than that day.

I just wish they would grow up or at least leave me alone with their childish behavior.

Just A Blank Space

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7 thoughts on “Just leave me alone

  1. I understand. These days I too feel like hating my classmates. It was not nice of that boy to say that. I wish sometimes people would leave me alone but nope, they wanna come and get it out of you. One of my family members has depression too- I completely understand that. Those boys don’t know how it is to tell your dad that it is gonna be okay. They don’t know how it feels when your dad says he can’t do it anymore. People go around saying they are depressed as if it is a regular, normal word. I have tried to tell them that it isn’t what they think: it is much worse though I doubt they understand. Don’t worry, you’ll soon find people who understand you. It is hard, but you need to stay strong. My hugs are on their way!

    Liked by 2 people

  2. Those boys are so ignorant, and you don’t need to care what they think or say because they probably barely understand it themselves and it doesn’t matter. Please try to remember that most people are great and they care about you, isolating yourself is not the best thing to do (although if you need some tie to yourself that’s completely fine). I’m sorry that your dad is going through such hard times and I know it must be really difficult and upsetting for you as well, so I’ll be hoping for both of you to stay strong like the wonderful people you are. ❤ *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  3. I’m really sorry for everything you go through. I feel like I don’t belong too and most times it’s because I would rather stay alone instead of talk about myself. Talking about myself tends to also lead to talking about my family and my family problems are huge. Even yesterday I barely kept myself from crying because of it. I just say to myself, “you’ll move on and leave all of this behind.”
    Chuck the immature school people. You will find friends you belong with some day

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Oh hi, I just read this and I noticed we have some things in common. I know how it feels to be older and see things differently. When I changed schools I had to repeat a year. My dad has been going through serious problems lately and it really brings me to my lowest when I think of it. Things change in life and bad things happen, those things are not supposed to annoy us or to sadden us, they are supposed to build us and to enrich us in the sense that we are more aware and sensitive than the rest and more mature. These things are supposed to awaken us to the positive side of life and help us appreciate what we have in life. Everything is going to be better, I believe it and I hope you will be able to believe it too.

    Liked by 1 person

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