What is wrong with me?

Whenever I am around a lot of people I feel, lets say frozen. I feel like I don’t belong there and I wish I could just run away. I am afraid to do something wrong and I feel like everyone hates me.

Especially when the people around me now me. On Saturday my swimming club celebrated their 40th anniversary and today my cousin celebrated his first sacrament. Both celebrations were visited by a lot of people. Today when I wanted to get a piece of cake I dropped my plate and that was like a nightmare for me. I almost cried for no reason.

Why do I feel like I am imprisoned, frozen and misplaced whenever I am around a lot of people? Why do I feel there is something wrong with me? Why do I feel like I am not normal?  Why am I so afraid?

Just A Blank Space

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19 thoughts on “What is wrong with me?

  1. There is nothing wrong with you. Normal is relative and nobody really is…”normal”. Normal is plain and boring and not interesting, not something to really long for. You may feel like you’re in a prison now, but the art is to make something beautiful out of that prison. I write in times I don’t feel good and I’m sure you do too. Make this inspire you xx

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with you. It’s just how you feel. I can’t say I’ve felt like that before so I can’t sympathize with you but sometimes I just randomly feel sad or anxious and it sucks to not know why. The worst thing you could do is beat yourself up over this. On a side note, watch little animal videos to cheer yourself up. They’re amazing as stress relievers. I mean, if you yourself have pets, even better

    Liked by 1 person

  3. hey , its all right to be the way you feel , I assure you that nothing really is wrong , I used to feel this way at new places too , I guess not any more cause I learnt to face it . the only way you can face it too is to start slow , I guess surround yourself with the ones your comfortable with . hope I was able to help you , or at least make you fell better 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Omg I feel like this a lot!! And yeah, I don’t know why either, I think that’s what annoys me the most! I think this happens because people are shy, idk…perhaps this feeling kind of disappears as we grow up. XD XD
    P.S. Great Post!!!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Hey, it’s okay. There is nothing wrong with you. I think you might possibly have some kind of social anxiety (and that’s not a bad thing) but of course I’m not a professional, maybe a counsellor could help. It’s okay to be afraid as long as you keep trying to figure it all out and overcome these fears and worries. Good luck. *hugs*

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Hey Just a Blank Space,

    I completely understand what you’re going through. I had some form of social anxiety as well. Whenever I used to go to school, I would feel awful because there were large groups of people. At break time, I felt that my insides were grinding into dust. I thought that everyone was staring at me and judging me all the time. I could hardly make eye contact with anyone because I was scared that I would see their disapproving face expressions on their face. Most of all, I wanted to curl into a ball, run away, and hide somewhere where I felt safe. One of the reasons why I loved staying at home: no one was judging me, and I was free to behave as I pleased.

    Whenever someone glanced at me, a jolt of fear would run through my body. Not only that, very negative and unrealistic thoughts would go through my head during the day while I was at school.

    “Oh my gosh, I’m sure everyone hates me.”
    “Everyone is judging me.”
    “Everyone is judging me because I look and act strange.”
    “I wish I could be like everyone else. They look so sure, content, and happy with themselves.”
    “I hate feeling so anxious all the time.”
    “Everyone seems to have friends except me. I feel so alone.”
    “Nobody likes me. I’m sure people talk to me because they have to and not because they want to.”
    “I’m scared to talk to people because I feel like they’re judging everything that comes out of my mouth.”
    “I bet everyone is laughing about how weird I am behind my back and just tolerate me when I’m around just to be polite.”

    And this one was a recurring thought:
    “Should I ask the teacher for help? If I ask for help, then I’ll be bothering the teacher. And then, the teach will think I’m annoying and a pest. And that’s the last thing I want.”

    I could go on. The negative thoughts were endless. I was not consciously thinking them, but there always there in the back of my mind–reminding me of my insecurities and how unworthy I was.

    No one deserves to feel this way. No one deserves to feel inadequate, unworthy, and useless. Everyone is worth loving–especially you. From reading your blog, it seems to me that there’s a lot going on in your head.

    I think it would do you good if you could talk to a trusted person. I don’t know how your situation is at home, but if you can, you should try talking to your parents about your worries and concerns. If that isn’t possible, maybe a friend, teacher, or a relative. Make sure you feel comfortable with whoever you choose. That’s important.

    Ideally, in my humble opinion, social anxiety won’t go away by itself. Anxiety just builds up over time and can get worse. It’s like a weed. Once it grows, unless you nip the problem in the bud, it can eat away at you, leaving you feeling like there’s no hope. If you have a school counselor, please do try that. My advice to you would be that you go and talk to a child psychologist, therapist, or any mental health professional.

    And remember, there is NOTHING wrong with getting the help you need. There happens to be a stigma with mental health. Anyone who goes to a mental health professional is immediately labeled as crazy, psycho, and many more inaccurate labels. You haven’t “lost” or “given” up the fight. In fact, quite the opposite. You’re taking a step to fix things and make things right.

    I can guarantee you that if you visit the right psychologist, he/she can help you out with any debilitating thoughts you may have. And wouldn’t that be a relief to remove all that baggage you’re carrying? Whew, what a relief.

    I might make a blog where I talk about my experiences with mental health. But I haven’t done it yet because I’m still struggling with judgement and fear of others negative opinions. But people like you are encouraging me to share my story.

    You can personally message me if you don’t feel comfortable replying to my comment. Please let me know how it goes. Your blog is wonderful, and you express yourself well.

    All the Best,
    Zoey

    Liked by 2 people

  7. It sounds like you have a form of social anxiety. It’s nothing to threat about, honestly: I have it too. It just means you get nervous in large groups of people. It’s worse when the people know you because you know that if you do somehow slip up, you’ll have to face the people who saw it happen again some time soon. It’s ok. Lots of people get like it – you’re not alone.

    Liked by 1 person

  8. I feel you, sister. A lot of the time. Things like that happen to me too. In my experience, the reason why we’re so emotionally confused is because we’re too hard on ourselves, or we’ve trained ourselves to think that people are worse than they actually are.

    Try to pray about it and focus on the fact that you are a child of God. Try to look outward on others, instead of inward on yourself. I know that might seem kind of hard at first, or like I’m accusing you, but I’m not. Making little acts of love definitely helps us feel better about yourselves.

    Also, try not to brood too much about whatever emotions you’re struggling with. It’s okay to acknowledge them, but don’t let them get you down. Decide who you want to be, and go get it. To quote my brother, who’s really been a big spiritual guide to me: “Don’t let your emotions rule your life”. And another thing he said: “Let yourself forget yourself”. That second one means forget about all the things you THINK you are: “imprisoned, frozen, misplaced” and focus on what you want to be, and also focus on other people.

    I hope this helps…sorry for the long comment. I’ll be keeping you in my prayers 😉

    Liked by 1 person

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