The Devil And The Angel In My Head


Today I wrote my first exam of the year. It is the first exam that will be part of my final grade. Now I don’t want to explain the whole German school system. All you need to know ist that I expect a lot of me for the next two years and this exam was the first step. I felt prepared for it. But now after writing it I feel like crap. In the exam I wrote six pages in a little more that one and a half hour. My hand still hurts from all the writing.

I didn’t feel that bad after finishing it. Mostly I was relieved and tired. But after talking to others who took it I am pretty sure I got the last question wrong. The worse about this is that this question made up one-third of all points and I am pretty sure that I won’t get full points on the other two questions.

In my mind I already see me failing this exam and then there is my stupid english teacher. I hoped to get a hundred percent in english but with her I can forget that. She hates me. No matter what I do I always do it wrong. Also she things she has the perfect american english which she definitely has not. She makes a tone of mistakes and has a german accent. I don’t expect my english teacher to be flawless but you can’t tell the class why your english is perfect when it isn’t. I think she doesn’t grade fair and I can already see me doing bad in her class.

I feel like I will fail. On friday I will write a three our long German exam and all I hope for now is that it will be good because right now I don’t believe that I will meet up to my expectations at all.

Lots of Love

Just A Blank Space

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Today I spend a lot of time at school, which isn’t as bad as it used to be before my time in the US. I love my new grade because around my classmates I feel accepted. They treat me like I am one of them and not worthless. I can goof around with them and I don’t have to worrie about being made fun of.

I probably told you this a billion times now but I appreciate it every single day and nothing makes me happier than feeling accepted and part of the group.

I finally feel like I can be myself. Espesialy around two people. One of them is my best friend who spend one year in the US after I did. We basically didn’t see each other for two years and you can’t imagine how glad I am to have her back. The other person is a new friend of mine who I talk to a lot and I wish I could hang out with way more, because with him I always have a lot of fun. He even makes english class less horrible.

Yes life is good sometimes. There is nothing better than feeling confident. I never thought that I will ever feel that way.

Lots of Love

Just A Blank Space

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2 thoughts on “The Devil And The Angel In My Head

  1. Use that feeling of confidence when writing another exam and stop pressuring yourself. There are things you can do to the best of your abilities – which I am sure you will – and then those things get taken away from you and there comes the part you cannot control. I know it’s hard to accept that fact and just let go, I have been and still am going through thoses phases. But still, too much pressure will only make things worse. In a song by Audioslave it says that “to be yourself is all that you can do” and it holds true for a lot of situations. So, just be your confident self in the next exams and you’ll be fine 😉 Good luck!

    Liked by 2 people

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