I am going insane and sometimes I think I can’t handle it any longer. The current and the following school year are really important for me because I am doing my Abitur, which is kind of like A-Levels.
I expect a lot of myself. More than anyone else does. After every exam, I feel bad. I feel like I could have studied more and I feel like I didn’t do good. I always expect the worse to come.
I took three exams this year after which I was pretty sure I failed. While I was writing them I felt like all my answers are wrong but I don’t know the correct ones. Turns out I got an A- in all of them and they are some of my best exams.
But even after getting an exam back I still feel like I did bad. For some reason, my brain is convinced that I am doing badly. I keep checking on my grades again and again because I can’t believe they are actually good. Sometimes I doubt myself for reading them correctly.
My grades are better than ever. I am probably in the top quarter of my grade. Except for one presentation, that I messed up, I don’t have a worse grade than a B- which is freaking good. I am always above the average.
We’ll get our report cards on January 31st and for some reason, I expect really bad grades. I always think I am suddenly going to wake up from a dream and find out I’m actually failing.
What is wrong with me?
Lots of Love
Just A Blank Space