Alway Expecting The Worse To Come

I am going insane and sometimes I think I can't handle it any longer. I expect a lot of myself. More than anyone else does and I always expect the worse to come. I always think I am suddenly going to wake up from a dream and find out I'm actually failing.

I am going insane and sometimes I think I can’t handle it any longer. The current and the following school year are really important for me because I am doing my Abitur, which is kind of like A-Levels.

I expect a lot of myself. More than anyone else does. After every exam, I feel bad. I feel like I could have studied more and I feel like I didn’t do good. I always expect the worse to come.

I took three exams this year after which I was pretty sure I failed. While I was writing them I felt like all my answers are wrong but I don’t know the correct ones. Turns out I got an A- in all of them and they are some of my best exams.

But even after getting an exam back I still feel like I did bad. For some reason, my brain is convinced that I am doing badly. I keep checking on my grades again and again because I can’t believe they are actually good. Sometimes I doubt myself for reading them correctly.

My grades are better than ever. I am probably in the top quarter of my grade. Except for one presentation, that I messed up, I don’t have a worse grade than a B- which is freaking good. I am always above the average.

We’ll get our report cards on January 31st and for some reason, I expect really bad grades. I always think I am suddenly going to wake up from a dream and find out I’m actually failing.

What is wrong with me?

Lots of Love

Just A Blank Space

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9 thoughts on “Alway Expecting The Worse To Come

  1. I am the same way, after every test I take I just automatically think of every question I might’ve gotten wrong. Occasionally, I’ll almost get 100% on a test and still be upset because if I just got that one other question right I would’ve gotten an A+! I just never feel like I study enough and try hard enough. You aren’t alone!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. I actually can kinda relate. It seems whatever I get in my tests, I’ll be hapy at first, but then feel disappointed. I see other people’s grades and think about what I wished to get and compare them. And even if I do (somehow) get top of my class, I will still feel like I could’ve done better. Especially in subjects I love. Good luck

    Liked by 1 person

    1. Thank you. Good luck to you too. Getting graded is the most stressfull part about school. I actually like learning new things because I want to know about a lot of things and studdying isn’t that hard for me but grades just stress me out

      Liked by 1 person

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